A GUIDE TO PROCESSING YOUR FEELINGS

Ever found yourself stuck in a whirlwind of emotions, unsure of how to move forward? You’re not alone. One of the most frequently asked questions about navigating transitions is “How do I process my emotions?” Emotions, rooted in our experiences, have a way of repeating themselves. Processing them is crucial because it ideally precedes and informs the transition path you choose to move forward.

Some emotions are like old friends – positive and welcome. But then there are those pesky, uncomfortable ones that we’d like to avoid. The problem with suppressing emotions is that it can increase our stress levels, reinforce unhealthy responses to similar situations, affect our physical health, and cause us to miss out on important messages. Plus, suppressed emotions can pop out when you least expect them.

Imagine this: Over lunch you confide in a co-worker about your excitement for a six-month expat assignment to lead a project starting in two months. She responds, “Are you sure it is wise to take on that assignment since you don’t have firsthand experience with such a project or its team members?” You feel she’s questioning your leadership talents, treating you like a newbie rather than an experienced peer. You get angry and abruptly change the topic. Later, your internal dialog includes thoughts like “leave it alone”, “her opinion doesn’t matter””, and “she’s just jealous that she wasn’t selected”.  Yet, you frequently think about the chat, and your annoyance with the co-worker grows. You stop dining with her and only engage when necessary. While you know you’re overreacting, you don’t understand why and can’t seem to let it go.

In the example, what do unprocessed emotions look like? Tell-tale signs include the inability to recognize or understand feelings, overreacting to the situation, not letting go of the emotions, and repeatedly thinking about the situation.

So, what’s one way to go about processing your emotions?

1. Find a Safe Space & Uninterrupted Time: Secure a comfortable space free of interruptions. Sit in a comfy chair and calm your mind and body. Relax and breathe deeply to clear your mind.
2. Visualize the Situation: Close your eyes and visualize the unsettling situation. Tell the story: who, what, where, when. Tap into your senses. What do you see? hear? smell? taste? Note all the feelings you have about the situation and the person involved. Your list will likely be a mix of negative and positive emotions.
3. Feel Your Feelings: Take the time to feel your feelings. It may take several sessions, so be patient.
4. Choose to Accept Your Emotions: Review your list of feelings and give yourself permission to accept all of them, even if some seem to conflict. Other than accepting all your feelings, there’s no need to do anything about them.   
5. Be Gentle with Yourself: Allow your inner dialogue to commend yourself for recognizing and feeling your complex mix of emotions.
6. Give It Time: Let the processing sink in. Once ready, move on to reframing the situation, as it segues to setting goals for a transition path forward. 

Processing emotions is so important to forging a path forward. Be kind to yourself and take it one step at a time. And let me know how you make out.

Carol Bergeron guides people through major life transitions with a focus on self-reflection, visualization, and collaboration. She helps clients adapt to personal and professional changes, especially when shaping modern retirement lifestyles, which involve emotional, social, lifestyle, and health-related shifts converging all at once.

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